As we were reading this story with my boys this week, there were a lot of moments that stuck out to me in the story of Rachel and Leah.
Today I want to talk to you about the Leah portion of our hearts.
You know that part? Oh you don't? Let me jog your mind a little...
I am not good enough.
I am not pretty enough.
No one really likes me.
I am not even supposed to be here.
I was not their first choice.
Look at her, she is so much more ____ than me.
Why would God put me here?
I know that there have been moments that many of those lies have festered in my spirit. Sometimes there is one glaring negative thought that holds my value captive. Either way, these are real thoughts of a real mom.
And you know what, these are thoughts that have been plaguing women for CENTURIES! I don't know why I find comfort in that, but I do. I am not the first lady and I'm certain I won't be the last that sat and questioned it all. And for Leah, I think that the self-doubt that took root in her probably started from before her marriage to Jacob. But it manifested itself throughout their time together, and really took hold when she became a mother.
Put yourself in Leah's shoes...
She feels like her sister is the popular one.
Her father deceives the man that loves her sister by sneaking her into their wedding.
She has to wear a veil and stand through a ceremony and live through a wedding night when she knows all along that her husband thinks she is someone else.
Her wedding, the start of a new season of her life, is not intended for her.
Oh it hurts my heart to think of what Leah endured. No wonder she felt "hated". Her father used her as a pawn, her husband did not choose her, her sister is probably not happy with her.
After they had been married for seven years, here comes Rachel- the perfect sister that her husband adored. Ouch right? Seems that this girl can not catch a break.
But the good Lord has a different plan for Leah. He saw that she was "hated" so He blessed her with the gift of children. Something that Rachel couldn't do! But again, Leah struggles.
She is searching for her value in the love of her husband.
She is hoping to feel loved because of the children God has blessed her with. She is looking to all the things she doesn't have to find self worth. And yet, she still comes up empty.
Do you ever feel that way? That you have overcome so much and God has blessed you in spite of yourself. But you still don't feel like you are enough? You still don't know how to measure your value? You just feel like there is still something missing in your heart...
Let us all take note of the wisdom of Leah...
And just like Leah, like women for years before me, I have to choose the joy. Today, then again after lunch, and twice more before bedtime. But having the choice is what makes it all sweeter...